Too much...

I read too many parenting book and blogs and fell into the nasty trap of comparison.  I asked too many people's advice and lost my own sense of confidence that I know what is best for my children.  I worried about chaios and messes above the well-being and care of my children.  I put myself before those God had given me to tenderly and gracefully love.  I spent time on things that didn't matter and that had no business coming ahead of precious life. 

Convicting, I know.  Powerful, yes.  Utterly penetrating the depths of my mother-called soul to the point that I do not thing I will ever be the same.

One year ago during some internet surfing of my favorite blogs and during the "Brittany Maynard" season, I ran across a guest post by Kara Tippetts on Ann Voskamps blog (http://www.aholyexperience.com/2014/10/dear-brittany-why-we-dont-have-to-be-so-afraid-of-dying-suffering-that-we-choose-suicide/)

Little did I know the journey these woman would take me on and the connection my heart would feel to them. 

In that post Kara's story was told and I felt so compelled to get her book, The Hardest Peace; expecting grace in the midst of life's hard. 

It was as if God strategically placed this book in my life at just the right time, which He most often will do.  My friend had been diagnosed with cancer and my other friend's husband would die unexpectatly soon after.  My deep grief and confusion twisted together and my first thought was to run from those unorderly and messy events. 

As awful as that sounds...these are friends...we should do life together...and my fear of their grief backed me away and froze me. 

That was...until I started reading Kara's book. 

Kara took me on a journey.  She opened her heart wide to see the good, the bad and the utterly heart wrenching...and she did it with grace and peace...no fear.  So, I was able to come along with her. 

It was as if she allowed me to walk this path with her.  It was like she brought me close and showed me that suffering was not to be feared or backed away from.  She was showing me that suffering could, if we allowed Jesus in, be a gift to unlock a deeper and truer and more real life.