Back on the Blog

Life is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, ins and outs - but in my life there is a constant. There is a never-ending, ever present, unconditional presence of Jesus. This is a new occurance in my life, believe it or not and I seriously am in awe of it.
I think that is how we are suppose to live out lives - in awe of the One who created us - which for me started on Feb. 19, 2009 when I prayed and asked Jesus to fully take my heart and make it His. Everybody was in shock because they all had assumed that I has already prayed that prayer OR that it really didn't matter if I prayed that prayer since I "grew-up" in the church. I never EVER have had this peace which passes ALL my human understanding before I gave Jesus my heart. I never was so assured of God and what he did for me as I am now. I have NEVER known beyound a shadow of a doubt that if I died right now - I would go right up to the arms of the one who loves me with a love deeper than any I have ever known.

THIS is my life now. THIS is my CRAZY, AWESOME, FULLFILLED, BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL, life - through bad, good, happy, sad - the assurance of God pulls me through. Nothing can make me doubt Him - nothing can separate me from His love - nothing will ever make me stop following the Truth of Jesus himself.

Ok - so that was a little strong for the fist post back, huh? LOL...oh well - my life has changed and so have I - so why not shout it! :)

The past five months have been a whirl-wind of experiences. Kylie turned ONE, Elijah turned THREE, Stephen turned 28, we booked our first family vaca, Stephen creeps closer to deployment, I gave my life to Jesus, got baptised, took a job with a fundraising program and have loved EVERY second of every minute with my sweet babies. Kate turned TWO also! They are all growing up so very fast - and I have begun to become fully aware that when older people tell you to "love every second - they grow up so fast" - they really mean it!

The times where I get to rock Elijah to sleep are few and far between, but the other day after lots of sun I got to do just that. I rocked my sweet three-year-old to sleep. Tears were welling up in my eyes as I was taken back to the moment I first rocked him. He was so tiny, so innocent, so sweet-smelling, so prefect, and so helpless. He is a little boy now who can feed himself, TRY to dress himself, spell his name, sing TONS of songs, tell jokes, push his sister down, play cars, trucks and trains until the cows come home, and every once in a while I get a little peek back into "baby"Elijah as he climbs up into my lap with his blanket and cuddles. These times are decreasing - but I will put down ANYTHING if he says, "Mommy, I need a little cuddle." My life feels so full when I get that time with him - Jesus has giving me a mommy heart and I am so thankful for that. He has given me two of the most beautiful, amazing children that he could have given me and EVERY single day I THANK GOD for them. It is as if He has given me two lights in this dark world - two sweet, precious gifts in a world filled with foul smelling crap. Thank you Jesus for my babies....

I have also become so keenly aware of the amazing husband that He has blessed me with. Stephen blows me away with how much he loves God, loves his babies and loves me - through so much - he loves us. He works SO hard for us - and never comlains - never really even has a "bad day," His heart is for Godly things - he is a breath of fresh air to me when my day was filled with the smog of life - I can't even begin to put into words how much he means to his family...how blessed am I?!??!?!

And then there is my God...
He was pursuing me from the beginning of time. He knew me in my mommy's womb - he knows every hair on my head, when I sleep and when I rise. He cries with me and laughs with me. He teaches me and purnes me to look like Jesus. He is a carful surgeon who cuts away anything that is bad and fills me up with the things that are good. He never changes - even though I do - he never leaves me - even though I stray. He is showing me so much recently - mostly how much he loves me. He loves me so much that I never have to "BE ENOUGH, GOOD ENOUGH, SMART ENOUGH, PRETTY ENOUGH, SAY THE RIGHT THINGS, DO THE RIGHT THINGS....I never have to PERFORM FOR ANYONE as LONG as I LIFE" all because He loves me - he is my "enough." What COMPLETE freedom....thank you Jesus for teaching me about not having to be something for anyone - resting in HIS love ....the best part is - it is there for EVERYONE - ANYONE is welcome....nobody is turned away - NOBODY - what a great love....