On My Mind...

A lot has been on my mind today as I go about my life with the kiddos. We went to the Farmers Market today and picked up some locally grown veggies for tonight, went to Kroger for the rest of the stuff and picked up Blue Bags at the recycling center. The whole time the kids were amazingly well behaved and I kept looking at them thinking "man, do I love these kids."

BUT - I don't only love them when they are good. I love them when they wander from "good" also. I always ask Elijah when we are rocking before bed, "When does mommy love you?" Without hesitation he says, "When I am good, when I don't listen, when I do listen, when I peepee in my pants, when I .....and on and on." He knows that no matter what he does, mommy will always love him.

As I think of that I think of how God loves us. For the last four months (CRAP - HAS IT ONLY BEEN FOUR MONTHS SINCE I ASKED JESUS INTO MY HEART!??!) Jesus has really been teaching me a lot about how MUCH he loves me. I know we have all sung the song, "Jesus loves me" and have seen MANY bumper stickers, shirts, etc that say "Jesus Loves You." - and yes, he does - but do you really know HOW WIDE, HOW LONG, HOW HIGH and HOW DEEP His love for you really is? DO you really get it? Do you really understand that God's love for you is so great that he sent Jesus, his only son - to die for your sins?

I try to grasp at that thought - sending your ONE and ONLY child to die a horrible death to save a people you created to love you and who spit in your face. My mind is only human and can only wildly swat at the emornity of what that means. Then I think - if that is so wild an idea for me, a Christ follower who surrendered her life to Jesus - then what - what do the people out there who are still looking think about that, feel about that, believe about that - and HOW do I tell them....

Since giving my life to Jesus, my eyes are for the lost. My eyes are on the people who are wandering through this life with no sense of peace, no sense of love, no sense of meaning, so sense of hope, so sense of anything that they have to "make up" or "piece together on their own" their sense of life. I was one such before Jesus. I was always trying to piece together this HUGE puzzle of what life was suppose to be and ALWAYS - ALWAYS I had this missing piece in my puzzle. I bet if you look you could see that too - you can see it in your life before and after Jesus OR you can see that in your life now - you are always trying to find something or fill your life up with SOMETHING - be it academics, material possestions, family, friends, drugs, alcohol, sex, power - whater it may be - but it always leaves you wanting more....

I was so there - always wanting more - always looking- never finding - getting angry, getting fed up with trying and finally almost giving up....just saying "screw-it" and living my life in the crapper....

It sounds so simple to say "Jesus changed all of that" - but that is the truth....and now that I think of it - THAT is what people need to know. They need to know there is hope. Behind EVERY SINGLE PERSON is a heart longing for Jesus. He placed that in EVERYBODY's heart and how could we not be drawn to our creator IF and ONLY IF we for ONCE second lay aside ourselves - lay aside religion - lay aside OUR wants, needs, desires, anger, pain, or doubt - and for ONE moment in time consider the fact that God created the world - He created all of us - He loved us so much that despite our sin send HIS ONLY SON to die for us so that we would be able to be in HIS presence again as he "always wanted" and now He is despiratly looking for his lost kids.....He wants you.....He loves you.....He longs for you.....

He wants to catch you in His arms and he will take 99 steps - but you have to take the last one....he waits - he knocks and everyone can hear the sound - but will you open the door?

All of this has been on my mind recently. I want so despiratly to tell people of Jesus and watch as they begin to see how much they are loved and open the door to their hearts for their Savior. I have seen it - RIGHT BEFORE MY EYES - two of my dear friends - one month ago and one week ago - surrender their lives to Jesus - they opened the door and IN FLOODED THE LOVE OF JESUS - it was truly a gift to my heart to see and to be a part of their journy. I want more - I want Jesus to use me in ways I could never ever dream up myself....best "high" I have ever been on is seeing people come to know Jesus - NOTHING beats it and I have tried most....

I just wonder if you have ever heard the knock?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps